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Chiva Som: Day 1

Chiva Som means “Haven of Life” in Thai, and I’m lucky enough to be spending 4 nights at this luxurious retreat in Hua Hin. This is not a review, just a record of my experiences. Unfortunately, seeing as this also happens to be the haven of princes and all, photography is restricted to certain areas.

Arrival: We arrive in the afternoon and are greeted with garlands of jasmine and cups of lemon-grass tea. We are asked to fill out a form for our “Health and Wellness Consultation.” There are questions about what areas we most want to focus on (fitness? stress-relief?) and what seems like our entire medical history. By the time I finish I am dying for a cigarette and find out, much to my dismay, that I can’t even smoke on my balcony. There’s just one little table reserved for smokers at the cafe by the pool. I’m moody about this but understand that people don’t pay a small fortune to be surrounded by my noxious exhalations. A staff member asks us to pose for an arrival photo.  We guess that this will be rapidly circulated for staff to learn our names.

The Suite: We have a beautiful pool- and beach-view suite. I feel like royalty already. Our butler arrives to ask us if we need her to unpack for us. The attention to detail is mind-boggling. My favorite touch is the complimentary water-bottle that is already labeled with my name. Our suite has two flat-screen TVs and unlimited wireless internet access…so much for getting away from it all.

The Consultation: A pleasantly plump Thai woman shuttles me off to a private room for a one-hour evaluation. She takes my height, weight, and blood pressure. It appears that I’m normal. She then reads through my form and zeros in on the smoking. She recommends acupuncture, which is tempting, but too expensive, so she schedules  a free 30-min chat with the acupuncturist on Sunday.  I’m impressed by her knowledge, which is suprisingly free of hype or new age mumbo-jumbo. We go through the daily schedule of “free” activities. There’s everything from meditation and yoga to Pilates and Thai boxing.  I walk out of her office feeling like I’m being taken care of, that these people really know what they’re talking about.

The Massage: (1 per day included): I choose the Chiva Som Signature massage over the Thai and Invigorating massages. To be honest, I’ve had so many massages since moving to Thailand that they no longer feel “special” (maybe “necessary”).  This one starts off a little too intense but gets better.  I try not to think about the fact that there’s no evidence that massage does anything for skin tone, cellulite, or circulation and try to focus on its proven benefits: relaxation and stress-relief.  I walk out knowing that my therapist definitely burned more calories than I did, but I feel that stress is something other people have.

But what’s truly awesome about the massage experience is the spa. The spa is separated into an area for men and an area for women. You take a shower, get in the sauna or steam room, and then take a dip in the most gorgeous pool strewn with roses (or in the jacuzzi).  It’s a very sensual and intimate atmosphere.  Or you can go lay in the relaxation room, which is completely dark with soothing music and lovely scents and has the most comfortable, warm, smooshy water-beds.

Dinner (3 meals per day included):

I have been forewarned that portion sizes are extremely tiny. But you can order an unlimited amount of food, and every morsel has a nutritional breakdown listed right on the menu. The only alcohol served is wine. We order a bottle, which will be saved for us if we don’t finish it all tonight (and we don’t). I have the insalta caprese, salmon in red curry sauce, and lime creme brulee for dessert.  It sounds rather decadent, but the portions are maybe 1/3 of normal (and by normal I don’t mean American!).  It’s all divine, and I don’t feel stuffed.

The Fitness Trainer (fitness classes and gym included): We attend a chat with the Fitness Guru, Terry, in the library. He has a cockney accent and many tattoos. I like his no-nonsense style and dedication to myth-busting (e.g. you can’t spot-reduce fat). I want to go to the gym just to hear him talk, but I realize I forgot my sneakers in Bangkok and might have to stick with the shoe-less activities.

Nighty Night: Our room smells heavenly when we return; the large oil burners have been lit with our requested scent for tonight: lemon-grass. Tucked under the door are our booklets from the consultation earlier in the day, with remainders for which activities we might be interested in from the schedule of “free” stuff that occurs all day, everyday. My consultant has included a bunch of information for me on melatonin and sleep. Apparently I need it because sleeps eludes me, so I walk down to the beach, stick my feet in the warm water and smoke a cigarette. So far this is the best resort experience I have ever had, and I’ve only been here for half a day. Off to bed so I can make Hatha Yoga at 8.

© 2009 Dreaming of Hanoi.