India
Women in India: The Myth of Freedom
India’s contradictions have always disturbed me. It’s shocking that in a country where so many women are doctors, engineers, and scientists, and where the mother is a revered figure, women have to face sexual harassment on a daily basis. I’ve treated the matter lightly in the past (here and here), but the truth is that this is a real and serious problem in India.
I’ve never experienced anything remotely similar in Vietnam, or anywhere else I’ve lived or traveled for that matter (though I’ve heard that it’s an issue in many other countries). Why is this such a problem in India?
Life in America is generally much more compartmentalized than life in India (and elsewhere). There’s a time and place for ogling, and it’s certainly not noon at the grocery store. For the most part, I feel like I can go through the day without being sexualized. Sure, I’ve had guys try to pick me in less than apropos settings, but those were isolated incidents and don’t define my day to day life here.
In India, however, personal space is not as valued, and work and play seem to blend into one another more easily. In fact, there’s no “acceptable” place for men and women to socialize because men and women aren’t supposed to socialize until their wedding night. I’m only half joking. The consequence is that women can never escape harassment from men. I am not just talking about leering and smooching noises. I have been groped on several occasions in very public places in broad daylight. I have heard horror stories of women being raped or nearly raped on trains. I am convinced that the only reason I haven’t been more seriously harmed is that I’ve never traveled alone in India.
But proxemics alone doesn’t explain it. And even though I get stared at in Vietnam, I have never felt unsafe. I wouldn’t think twice about traveling alone in Vietnam because while I might, just as anywhere, encounter a predatory individual, I have never felt generally at risk as I have in India. What’s funny though is that when I think of the Indian men I know, I can’t imagine that they would behave in such a manner, but then who are these people? Why is this such a widespread problem rather than a handful of isolated incidents? Why does every woman I know who has lived or traveled in India–Indian and foreigner alike–have a story about being sexually harassed?
I think more than anything it has to do with the cultural role of women in Indian society. Women exist only in relation to their men, as mother, daughter, sister, or wife, but never for their own sake; outside of these relationships, they are left extremely vulnerable.
Even in modern India, in the highly educated middle and upper classes, it’s more common than not for a woman to feel that it’s natural to have her future completely decided for her. In fact, there is the internalized, never-questioned belief that her life was not truly hers to begin with. I am not generalizing; I can only think of a few contrary examples. This issue is often oversimplified as men oppressing women, but the problem is more deeply entrenched and the differences more chasmic. Men have complete sovereignty over women’s sexuality so that they feel they have just as much right to suppress it as to take advantage of it. Either way, women are not seen as (and consequently don’t see themselves as) strong, self-sufficient individuals.
And any opposition to this ideology is met with violent resistance, as was the case when Hindu extremists burned down theaters that were showing Deepa Mehta’s Agni (Fire), an amazing film about two women who fall in love with each other within the veiled confines of their traditional marriages.
I think of all the things my father can do in India, such as travel alone and take a walk (day or night) without fear of being leered at, groped, or raped. Until I (and every other woman) can walk down the street with the same sense of security, without feeling like a sexual object, I refuse to buy into the myth that Indian women are free.
Are all Indian men like this? Of course not. But enough are that it poses a threat to women’s freedom. And as long as one is oppressed, none are free.
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27 comments for “Women in India: The Myth of Freedom”
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what is you experience is absuletely true and i am agree with your feeling but the problem is how can be change this scenerio?
if you want to make something or disscuss to do so , then i can join you.
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e-mail-manoj04_yadav04@rediffmail.com
I think that you are right on when you say India is contradicting , sexual harassment is really a very disturbing act and it feels really sick when you hear or see something like this . For me confrontation with the culprit, is something which should be done , harsh punishment and public insult of the these sickos is just a first step. Although if I dig a little deeper , it could be that lot of men here and elsewhere are mentally sick. I also feel that this is not India specific and is more like a epidemic which needs to be curtailed . I agree with you that womens freedom is not fulfilled with such behaviour of men who behave in such a manner ..maybe we need to have stricter laws and they are implemented better. Most importantly its important for us who feel we can do something …do actually do something ..taking a first step would be stop or voice ourself in something like this happens close to our eyes.
I think your right on the cultural aspects which might lead to a huge gender imbalance. But you left out another factor like policing and the government protection of women.
Vietnam is a police state with a policeman or soldier at any corner so that also helps to deter any crimes of this nature.
As a Vietnamese myself, I grew up in a very conservative family where it is somewhat shameful to stare at women for long periods of time or even touch them in a friendly matter. We just learned to surpress our lust I guess.
Women are also given a lot of power in the household as well. I can remember with a smile, so many times when my mother would give everyone orders (even to my father) to do the things she wanted and it would be very shameful to talk back or ignore them. Of course, I’m not saying every Vietnamese family is like this, but quite a few of them are.
Personally, I think India needs to recognize more female heroes for women there to be taken more seriously. The Trung Sisters who are national heroes of Vietnam for over 1000 years are probably one of the reasons why women are respected and the gender imbalance isn’t as big as a rift as in other countries.
Well, Preya, tell you my own story…I’m staying in a dorm on campus with 3 other Indian guys, and a kind Indian girl living next door. For 6 months long I’ve learnt lots from them: the beauty and variety of Indian culture, language(s), intelligence…They are all smart, hard-working, but so far I cannot put up with those guys when one day I found out their impoliteness and patronizing attitude towards women. I guess perhaps they consider women as nothing more than just living puppets, and they think it’s easy to possess and take control of women whenever they want(!?). How could Indian women achieve true freedom while their men dont want to free their conservative mind of thinking about women.
It’s totally wrong, however, to say that all Indian men are like this. One of my Indian friends (he comes from Mumbai)told me that Mother is always considered as the symbol of God in traditional Indian families, and whatever you do, you have to do in such a way that you never hurt her or make her cry. Isn’t that sweet? And it’s good to know this year India has Pratibha Patil as the first female president, which the Washington Post refered to as “a big step forward for hundreds of millions of Indian women and girls who face bitter discrimination in everyday life…”
Is it “totally” safe to “travel alone and take a walk (day or night) without fear of being leered at, groped, or raped” in Vietnam? No. Do women have to face sexual harassment in Vietnam? Yes. Is Vietnam a police state with a policeman or soldier at ANY corner? No! LOL. One thing I know for sure is that women have an equal role in Vietnamese society as men do. And in Vietnam I guess women are paid as equal as men(?)
Manoj–you’re right; the focus needs to be on how to change this, and more men really need to be involved to express the sentiment that they won’t stand for it either. White Noise is an organization that seems to be doing quite a bit in the blogosphere, and I’m looking into participating somehow. Thanks for your thoughts.
Saurav–while I totally agree that this is not India-specific, I don’t think we can deny that it’s not just a handful of sick individuals everywhere; there are certain places, India among them, where this is much more of a problem, and I don’t believe simply having stronger laws will fix the problem. There is a mindset that needs to change. We can’t just “respect cultural differences” if those differences are harmful to any segment of the population.
Byron–I agree with the gist of your thoughts, but I don’t believe that the reason this doesn’t happen as much in Vietnam is that it’s a police state. That’s just not true. I grew up in Hanoi, and while I received a lot of male attention, it was never threatening. I was always treated with respect. I think this is something that comes from a very different cultural attitude toward women and not just better enforcement of laws. The US is no better policed than India, yet the same level of harassment does not exist here (but that’s not to say women are equal here and perfectly treated).
Tam–I think you point out some the contradictions I was talking about. While the mother is revered, women in general are not. And I agree, Vietnam is not perfect, of course, but generally speaking, harassment happens a lot less. And interestingly, all the comments have come from men. I think men need to step up and help create change, but I think it’s easy for anyone with privilege to just pretend the problem doesn’t exist because they can go through their daily lives never thinking about it. We can’t.
Thanks for your thoughts:)
I’ve been mulling over the same question for ages and I still have no answer.
I’ve felt a distinctive difference in the south, though, where I’ve generally had no problems and men *seem* respectful (at least more so than in the north).. but perhaps that’s because I haven’t travelled as extensively in the south.
One theory put forward to me by many of my Indian male friends: repression. There is no outlet for socializing, dating, premarital sex, or anything contrary to what “Indian values” are.. whatever they are. It sounds very Osho, but they do have a point.
More specific to firengi like me, though, is how the repressed lot are exposed through TV or movies to the idea that The Rest of The World is liberated and sexually free. For them the idea that “yes women elsewhere do have active sex lives” seems to equate “they will sleep with me”, because they have sex in the first place. It’s messed up. I know educated computer engineer types who don’t say so in the same words, but implicitly believe that sex with local women is wrong because of “Indian values” but foreign women have a different set of standards and are treated differently.
I don’t get it. I don’t know if I ever will. For an India apologist like myself, it’s heartbreaking that I’ve had to have such a wealth of experiences in *these matters*.. when I haven’t had a single incident anywhere else in Asia, whether it’s a border town in Cambodia or Laos.
It is as if women in India can only occupy the 3 classic roles: mother, madonna or whore. In the case of Fire, the outrage was that housewives who are supposed to follow the nurturing and pure madonna role blurred into a percieved whore role; they straddled two categories and this was unnacceptable.
India also has some of the most powerful contemporary feminist thinkers who are leading the way for women’s empowerment in developing countries, so you’re right about the disturbing contradictions.
Like all other women who have travelled to/lived in India, I have my own share of harassment tales. I feel like it’s the daily obscenities which appear small-scale that compound into one large collection of traumatising events! It may be promising then that there is grassroots mobilisation occuring to tackle sexual harassment, for example check out the Blank Noise Project http://blanknoiseproject.blogspot.com/
Popagandhi—It was your post that made me feel the need to write my own thoughts and experiences. You have such a diverse experience of Asia, so it’s really valuable to have your input–thanks. I do agree that it might be because there’s a lack of opportunity for men and women to socialize. Possibly due to cultural norms with religion at their root, which would somewhat explain the difference you felt in the south
Hi Pooj–That’s what I meant in my reply to Manoj (not White Noise!) Thanks for the link–I was googling white noise, and it wasn’t turning up much! About Fire, what’s frustrating is that there was nothing whorish about those women. Anything that violates the norm (usually decided by the patriarchy) and anything that jeopardizes male control is perceived as a threat.
[...] Preyanka makes several hard-hitting arguments about the status of women in India. As an Indian one wants to deny her allegations, but as a woman one also knows that it is pointless to. She is mostly right.. Why does every woman I know who has lived or traveled in India–Indian and foreigner alike–have a story about being sexually harassed? [...]
Well, I actually never knew that this was so widespread a problem until some of my girlfriends opened up and told me that this happens all the time. Even when they don’t “provoke” the crime. It pisses me off. Provoke. What is provoke in a situation like this? Wearing revealing clothing? Classic example. Who the hell are these guys to take advantage? Yes, I also believe that repression is the cause of the crime here. And to think that they even want to stop sex education classes in school. People, wake up. Smell the air!! It smells of illiteracy!! Of the mind!!
You should perhaps change your title to “Women in India: The Myth of Freedom”. The incidence of sexual harassment is high in India. So is the case with robbery, murder, road accidents, corruption, mafia, illiteracy, child labor, etc. It is just a sad reflection of where our priorities lie. India does not have a strong desire for safety, law enforcement, or even preserving human life.
[...] am so glad to have posted my thoughts on “eve teasing” (see, I even learned a new term) in India because, unbeknownst to me, [...]
The first line of the previous comment should read: You should perhaps change your title to “The Myth of Freedom”. (The strikeout HTML tag did not work).
If it were “men with sick mentality” responsible for sexual harassment, it would be confined to specific places, times and situations. I think the problem extends much beyond that. The groping, leering, whistling — euphemistically called “eve teasing — is done by what you would otherwise call “normal individuals.” They somehow think they are indulging in harmless fun, not realizing that they are making it easier for the “sick mentality” types to take advantage and making it difficult for a woman to react appropriately. As a matter of fact, I ought to be using “we” rahter than “they” to describe the situation.
It was shocking to me to hear from mother-in-law of a friend, a 50 year old lady, that someone tried to grope when she was visiting family in New Delhi.
The “mother = goddess” reinforces what Preya is saying. That the respect stems not from the woman being an individual, but is defined from her relationships.
The air does not smell of illiteracy. From whatever little I have heard from my women friends, groping happens as much (or more) in malls as in a bus. Its not literacy to blame. Sex education is necessary, but not sufficient. Also necessary is for people to put our foot down and say that such things are not acceptable, period.
It is true that sexual harassment of women is widespread in india. However, this is not unique to India. I have heard numerous stories of sexual harassment on the streets in the US. This includes passes being made, leery comments and sometimes groping. I believe those stories because I have been a witness to a couple of such incidents.
Of course, what you have written about is unacceptable and in fact revolting. But it may not be correct to trash Indian men in the way you have done here. There are despicable characters in all societies. Probably women have to bear the burnt more in India because compared to most western countries life is lived so much more on the street by any Indian.
I don’t understand your reasoning of the outrage on the movie FIRE in India? What has that got to do with womens sexual harassment or empowerment? Seems ridiculous to me
Ankit,
I disagree. I’ve roamed alone in Hong Kong, Singapore, US. Singapore is a police state so nothing happened. US - a bum approached me for “spare change” and nothing untoward happened in Hong Kong.
It is quite a different story in India. It will happen in a bus, train, on a bicycle, on the road, in movie theaters..the list goes on.
I would argue the only part of India where I did not suffer any harassment was in the North East.
gg
Absolutely. (Sounds like something that Adorno wrote….)
Anyway, great post.
Pooj (#7) is right too–there is a rich and vibrant tradition of fairly uncompromising and unflinching movements for women’s liberation in India, from writers/intellectuals/activists like, say, Mahasweta Devi, on the one hand, and the various struggles by rural women’s collectives against alcoholism etc.
I think there’s something to be said for the fact that there hasn’t been the sort of mass-based, organized militant women’s rights movements that we’ve seen in the West. What I mean is that much of the truly mass organizing has taken place in rural areas; in the cities, feminism has tended to be dominated by middle- and upper-class women, who then adopt a paternalistic (pardon the term) attitude towards their working class and dalit sisters.
I think we need a major, militant women’s rights movement that can sweep through our cities. We need organizations of self-defense for women. We need large mobilizations of women (and men) to go out and, yes, harrass men who are known to engage in sexual harrassment in their workplaces. Make big, public spectacles out of these jokers. Send a message to men: sexism and sexual harrassment will not be tolerated. If you think you can get away with it today, that might be true. But tomorrow, we will hold a dharna, a morcha, an egg-throwing party, at your house.
Women and men need to fight back against this $hit.
Yet another rant on the same issues. Women love cribbing on this topic endlessly, but never offer any constructive steps on what *could* be done to stop it. Merely comparing India to Vietnam/US is not really helpful u know hehe :)
Try living in downtown Baltimore or Northwest Washington D.C and move about without the fear of getting raped, much less “sexualized” :) - And very recently [2 months ago infact] a friend of ours was sexuality molested by a guy who groped her and dragged her to back of her appt complex as she was getting out of her car after work. And all this: in an affluent community supposed to be one of the safest areas in the country…
S
I still don’t understand. That kind of outrage against a film or content of a film is not gender specific. I hardly think they were doing it because women were being portrayed in nontraditional ways! So you mean if it were a film about gay men, we would not have seen that outrage?
Supremus–I’ve provided my own thoughts and theories on a serious topic; please don’t resort to ad hominem attacks by calling it “cribbing.” As much as this topic has been over done, so has providing extreme examples (downtown wherever, I heard about this and that incident); like I said, I know rape and molestation occurs everywhere, but that does not equal the kind of sea of molestation and harassment that occurs almost everywhere in India. Also, there are concrete solutions like the work being done by Blank Noise Project, which I mentioned. These issues need to be repeated loudly in order to raise awareness and get people thinking about what needs to change. The first step would be to encrouage discussion and not attempt to stifle it just because it’s been cribbed about.
Sunshine—1) the outrage was not just about gender; D.M.’s other films, which uncover the derogatory treatment of women and show them breaking free of traditional, oppressive situations, have elicited the same response. And even if it were about gender, the resulting vitriol implies that they [the people who worked to ban the films] had the right to not only determine women’s sexuality but also stop other people from being exposed to anything they disagreed with. I’d say the same if it were about 2 gay men because we should treat people as individuals who have the right to live their lives as they choose. The subjugation of any social group is rooted in the lack of that very right. Thankfully, the attitude is changing here in the US at least.
Hi Preya,
A very well-written post. Am forwarding it to all the women I know, friends as well as colleagues.
Zen.
Zen–thanks! and thanks for spreading the word:)
[...] refers to sexual harassment. Preya searches for answers: Even in modern India, in the highly educated middle and upper classes, it’s [...]
Reading this entry, I couldn’t help but revert back to one of my women’s studies classes and being shocked in learning that feminism and women’s rights is not the same for all women, in every country. We have to take culture into account.
This is when it gets tough for me and India - it seems, as you’ve stated, India is still a very patriarchal society (not to say that America isn’t) that uses its “cultural differences” as a way to be misogynists and sexists. While I have a problem with Westernizing nations and cultures in the name of human and women’s rights, sometimes I wish we can just go in there as NGOs and say, “What you’re doing is wrong, and harrassing women isn’t a part of any culture.” But, of course, that’s just a feminist dream of mine.
But, of course, we know violations of human rights and the objectification of women do both happen in India (”Born Into Brothels.”)
Good on you for pointing out the Blank Noise Project. I learned about them in the Spring’s edition of Ms. Magazine. If I remember correctly, there have also been cases in India in which women have used violence as a means of resistence - such as putting rocks in their purses and beating the perps (and pervs?) over the head with said purses.
Sorry for such a long comment!
Pro–wow, I hadn’t heard of the cases of using violence in response to harrassment; that’s interesting. I love Blank Noise. If I end up living in India ever, I’m definitely going to get more involved.