You know you live in Hanoi when…

-your clothes smell like mildew
-Living in 90% humidity year-round means that you feel like a fish out of water when you visit drier places.
-you haven’t seen the sun in 3 months
-you’ve gotten used to being woken up in the middle of the night by the frightening moan of a man singing Karaoke next door.
-You’ve gotten used to being awoken every morning, even on Sundays, to the bang bang of construction work next door.
-You’ve gotten used to having ill-mannered neighborhood children peeking in your windows and knocking on your doors, screaming “hello hello, chewing gum?” at all hours of the day.
-You know that a peaceful walk through the city, soaking up the culture and sights, is an impossibility with shoeshine boys and postcard sellers at your heels…even when you tell them in perfect Vietnamese that you are not a tourist and that you’ve lived in Hanoi for years.
-You know that no matter how long you live in Hanoi, you will always be a foreigner, stared and pointed at with curiosity wherever you go.
–You know that the notion of “tact” varies from culture to culture, so you try not to get too offended when you’re told, yet again, how very fat you are.
–You laugh when people say that there isn’t a place on earth that hasn’t been invaded by McDonald’s.
–You have a maid…And her name’s probably Mai and she irons and folds your underwear.
–You are no longer surprised when you get charged double what Vietnamese are charged for everything.
–You’ve tried snake wine, dogmeat or bull’s penis at least once.
–Your power goes out for a couple hours a few times a month.
–You know that if you wait for the traffic to calm down before crossing the street you’ll never cross the street…the key is to just step out and let all the bikes and motorbikes swerve around you.
–You watched The Quiet American twice just to see the beautiful shots of Hanoi’s streets and architecture again.
–You chuckle when you tell people you live in Hanoi and they say, “it must be nice to live in the tropics where it’s always sunny and never gets cold.”
–You know that when a group of 7 year-olds surrounds you on the street screaming “fuck you,” they’re just practicing their English.
–If you live in a Vietnamese style house, you don’t need a gym membership because climbing 6 flights of stairs at a 60 degree angle everyday, just to get to your bedroom, is enough of a workout.
–You are a Karaoke expert.
–Apocalypse Now isn’t just a movie to you…it’s where you spend your weeknights, along with every other expat in Hanoi. (no longer true.)

(For old-timers who lived in Hanoi before 1993)
–You remember when the embargo was lifted and suddenly there was food!
–You remember when the only restaurant in town was “A Little Italian”
–You remember when the only hamburger you could find in town was at the Swedish Bar.
–Despite all this, you still love living in Hanoi!

I will add more as I think of them…and try to get other Hanoians to contribute:)